In the Dark
by Miss Becky
Summary: A power outage provides a moment of illumination for Wesley


In the Dark

By Miss Becky

Summary: A power outage provides a moment of illumination for Wesley.

Spoilers through A New World.

Feel free to write me at beckyg19@yahoo.com. I live for feedback.

Did anyone else do Numfar's Dance of Joy when Wesley kicked Lilah out of his apartment? Good. Glad I'm not the only one. Still, I got to thinking about that offer, and what could happen…

*************

The lobby of Wolfram & Hart was almost palatial, with its marble floor and elegant facades, but the elevators, Wesley mused, needed some work. They were narrow and cold, and he didn't like them.

The doors started to slide shut and he had one last glimpse of the intimidating security guard at the front desk, and then he was on his way to the 18th floor.

Eighteen. Where there was a big conference room with a mahogany table. Where the firm conducted all its job interviews, Lilah had said.

The elevator rose smoothly through the first six floors, then abruptly everything went to hell.

Brilliant white light flooded through the crack in the doors. The entire building shook violently, as though in the grip of some impossibly large demon's hand. Wesley was thrown to one side, and kept his balance only by pinwheeling his arms frantically. 

The elevator jolted to a halt. The lights went out and did not come back on. No emergency lights rose to take their place. 

Which meant whatever had happened was psychic in origin, not physical. Wesley sighed. There was little he could do now, except sit and wait for the power to come back on. If he was Angel, he could forcibly pry open the doors, and get out. But then again, if he were Angel, he wouldn't be here in the first place, would he?

He sat down on the floor and sighed again. Nothing else to do. He had long experience with sitting alone in the dark; he knew there were only so many things a person could to do entertain oneself. At least here, today, he could practice the answers to potential interview questions, like all the websites said you should.

"Number one. Why do you want to work for Wolfram & Hart?"

He winced. That was no good. They probably wouldn't ask, anyway. They already knew the answer.

"Two. What are your strengths and weaknesses?"

No, that was no good, either. They had a file on him three inches thick. They knew everything there was to know. That was why they wanted him to work for them.

They don't want you whispered a sly voice Not really. They only want you because they know it will hurt Angel.  
  


Well, this was true. But he could make them glad he was there, glad for his abilities. He had been doing it all his life; he could do it at Wolfram & Hart.

Not good enough. The voice caressed his cheek. He jerked his head to one side. He hated being trapped in here. Hated the small space. Hated the darkness. This kind of place was a breeding ground for paranoia and fear. 

He got to his feet and beat on the door. Shouting now – but a controlled shout. "Hello? Is anybody there? I'm in here!"

No answer.

They're laughing at you came the hateful voice. Laughing because you're stuck in here. Because you're too weak and stupid to get out.   
  


That was ridiculous, and the rational part of him knew it. Whatever phenomenon was causing all this, the lawyers at Wolfram & Hart were busy dealing with it. Even if anyone heard him shouting, they wouldn't care. Certainly they wouldn't stop to laugh.

They'll all know came the response. They'll all know you were in here, too stupid to get out. They'll know you aren't good enough. They won't want you then

Wesley inhaled, a shivery breath. "No one wants me anyway," he said.

That's right came the smug voice. The familiar voice. The one he would always hear in the small, dark places of the world. No one wants you.

Wesley turned away from the door and stared at the floor, seeing nothing but the blackness. 

If Wolfram & Hart didn't want him, then what was he doing here? 

This was no petty revenge, no chance to look down on anyone. This was no way to regain the trust of his friends. 

What, exactly, had he hoped to find here? Self-respect? Dignity? A new set of friends?

They were never your friends whispered the voice.

This one was completely untrue. He was confident of that. Gunn had called him "English," and taught him a cool handshake. Fred was always eager to discuss science or logic problems. Cordelia confided secrets she dared not trust Angel with. They respected him. They liked him. They trusted him.

They ***had*** trusted him.

Now they hated him.  They mistrusted him. They were hurt and baffled by him and his actions. They wanted nothing more to do with him. That much Lilah had gotten right.

But he knew something Lilah Morgan did not.

"I was never Judas," he whispered. He liked the sound of it, so he said it again, louder. "I was never Judas. I did not betray them."

He had told Gunn that they didn't know everything. But how would they ever know, unless he told them? He was not a traitor, and he knew that. Now he had to make the others see it, too.

And they would. They only reason they hadn't was because he hadn't explained to them. Because they were too close to Angel. But they would see. He would go to them and tell them everything, starting with his job offer. And they would understand.

They would accept him back.

And if they didn't?

Well, if they didn't, he always had his father's voice in his head to keep him company.

***********

END

  
            


End file.
